January 2009 | Chapitre Un

For this, my very first venture into blogging, I harbor a familiar fear: it must be done perfectly, or not at all. This mental road block has allowed me to procrastinate beyond all records I had established previously for myself. That was, until I took Ariana Huffington’s sage and succinct advice: just start blogging. Now. And so I have.

I do not know to whom I am writing. Perhaps it will be my friends and family who will want to see what I’m up to and what I’m thinking about. Perhaps it will be prospective employers, attempting to determine my writing skills and personality. Perhaps it will be the random strangers of cyberspace, searching for like-minded friends. Or, perhaps, it will be only for myself. In any case, I intend to write for writing’s sake. The rest is just superfluous fun.

Today I am consumed by thoughts of the economy. Many people in this country are struggling, including me. And even though I have supreme confidence in President Obama’s admirable ideas, I am also aware that it takes quite a bit of time to redirect an entire country’s economy toward prosperity. Spirits are low right now. Across the country, and in my home. I know people who are terrified of being laid off, others who are trying to keep the flow of incoming business steady in an increasingly cautious world, and others who are sending out literally hundreds of resumés in the hopes that even just one interview will be scheduled. For those of us working from home, the mounting tension is compounded by a sense of isolation. And from this environment of isolation, I have decided to do something. To make a voice for myself. To create words and images that might document this period of time in my life. To forge connections with other humans through the decidedly impersonal internet. Thus, I begin my own journey toward making my own life one I will enjoy living. And if I can offer something you enjoy reading and perusing, so much the better.

I need to admit that I have spent the majority of my life dreaming and planning and then not following through. I’m afraid my father was much the same way. Since my dad and I were so close, it shouldn’t be a surprise that we share personality traits. My mother follows through on every little thing. I used to think it was tiring to watch her spend so much time on mundane tasks; she has always been so pragmatic. Never any talk of lifelong goals or childhood fantasies. Her feet have always been planted firmly on the earth, and there they shall stay forever rooted. Ironically, she also loves to garden. My head has always been floating in the clouds. Well, my new year resolution for 2009 is to follow through. I have been making lists of my dreams for so many years, but have never before planned the details of how to achieve those dreams. This year, I intend to make my dreams come true. A daunting task, to be sure. And while I am determined to succeed, I am also frightened enough to heed the advice that Rachel gave her sister Jill on the TV show Friends. She warned, “You know what happened to the little girl who tried to do too much…She died, Jill.”

Wish me luck.